is this my life?
by k9rules1991
Summary: bella tries her hand at online dating.. I dont own anything twilight related


_Alright, here goes nothing_. I thought as I took a big deep breath and pressed the button that may very well change my life forever.

_Name_-_ Alright that is an easy start- Bella_

_Age- getting way to personal already-24_

_Occupation- don't even get me started on that one- substitute teacher_

_Tell us about yourself… isn't that what a first date is for?_

_Let's see- My name is Bella-of course you already know that if you are on my page, I am 24. (Great, I am just giving a summary of my profile! This is already too stressful). I have a degree in elementary education and love teaching little kids. My family means a great deal to me. I love dogs, not so much a fan of cats (Sorry). I have never done this before so I am not really sure what else to write (is this a job interview or a dating website?)I love flowers on a first date. I love to stay at home and read or cook something new or cuddle and watch a movie (of course right now that cuddling includes me and a carton of ice cream and my Australian shepherd). I love to travel and go on adventures. However, I prefer road trips over airplane excursions. Not a fan of heights. (Is this too much information?) I am looking for someone who is compassionate, patient, and has a great sense of humor. _

_Next._

_On a scale of 1-10 how important are the following to you? –Geez! Why am I doing this again?_

An hour later I finally finish filling out my profile and upload the best picture of me I can find- one that if I want to replicate for anyone would take me a team of makeup artists and a lot of spandex. Does that make me a catfish? I lean back in my desk chair and glance around my room. My childhood photos hanging all around me in the room I grew up in. Yes, I still live with my parents, well I guess not-still, I did move out for college, but I then moved back. As I look at my younger self in pictures I think about what I wanted for myself back then.

I always pictured myself with a classroom of 1st graders (then as I got older it became 3rd graders) and falling madly in love with some divorced father and already loving his child and they already loved me. Yeah right! This is not a Hallmark movie. However, I was always the person that couldn't be swayed when she wanted something. I knew I wanted to be a teacher when I was in first grade and followed that path my entire life. I rigged every test I took that told us what we were supposed to be when we grew up to make mine say teacher. I loved being the kid chosen to read something or give a test to the class. I loved grading papers and more importantly I wanted to have an impact. I believe so many kids are lacking that influence and impact and are bogged down with uninterested teachers that have already written them off and just want to get to the weekend for their Friday night happy hour. Not to say all teachers are like that, but I have been in quite a few teacher's lounges as a substitute. I wanted to make school fun for the kids.

Besides knowing what I wanted to be, I also knew where I wanted to go. I wanted to earn my degree from this private college that was a city over from where I lived. Whenever we would pass by, I would marvel at the old architecture and dream of the people that lived there and knew one day that would be me.

And it was. I applied only to that school and was accepted. That is one of my regrets- not applying anywhere else. I was a A and B girl my entire school career, some years more B's but never below that. School just came easy to me-not bragging, I know how hard it is for some people and that doesn't mean anything. But, I wish I could have seen where I could have gotten in. You see, everyone dissed my school and said anyone could get in and it wasn't like these harder schools. So yeah, I regret not seeing where else I could have been accepted. But I needed familiar and I needed safe because I was an insecure 18 year old girl that graduated high school at 5 feet tall and 180 pounds, 2 fragile friendships that were going to two different schools, and was told she was the worst person on her sport's team by the coach.

I attended the school of my dreams and maintained an A average. There were no sorority parties or date nights for me. I pretty much was in my room, in class, or at my job (I worked at the prize counter at the local arcade). Three years later, I started my student teaching. Word of advice, don't student teach at your old school, or at least do it with a teacher who has had a student teacher before. I felt like I was still the student and my host teacher didn't help me at all. When my supervisor came to observe my lessons she told me that I will never be a good teacher. Well gee, thanks! So, I graduated from college and was so excited for my future classroom. Yeah no, not even a stinkin' interview. For 3 years now I have been applying for teaching jobs and have never heard anything back. I completely missed learning about common core and steam. I guess I wasn't what they wanted. So, I became the next best thing, a substitute teacher. I also decided to work on myself. I worked out everyday for about a year-more so in the summer when I was off school. I ate right and just built my self-esteem up and my confidence in myself. I lost about 50-60 lbs. I was rocking my classrooms that I was subbing in and enjoying my life. Now, I'm not saying that you can't be confident and be overweight or that you can't find happiness overweight, I know you can but I also know the eternal struggle no matter what you tell the outside world. I was called gross and when we had a dance unit in PE a guy refused to dance with me infront of everyone. Another kid made a hand gestures to a friend of his of how big I was after I thought he was being nice and talking to me. I had been overweight my entire life and I was so proud of myself. Yeah my job could have been better but I didn't really need a lot of money as I was living with my parents, just needed enough to pay the minimum on my credit cards and gas.

So here I am. 24 years old and finally ready for my first date.

I Heard a ding on my computer. Here we go.


End file.
